Healing Together
Some of the most difficult things to deal with when you have any chronic disease are not just the symptoms but the emotions that come along with it. For me the worst were loneliness and isolation.
For many of us, we just want someone to talk to, someone to listen, and someone to understand what we are going through on a daily basis. But once the difficult time is upon us we fail to see that someone could be right there willing to listen and understand.
During my whole journey I had someone by my side. I am married, so my husband was there through sickness and in health. But even if you aren’t married that doesn’t mean you don’t have someone supporting you. A dear friend, parent, spiritual advisor, counselor, or a health coach can be the support you need.
Once you find your support, you still may feel that they don’t fully understand your situation or support your choices. I remember getting angry with my husband for this reason though I didn’t realize he was living through it too until a year or so later. If you are the one supporting someone else, there may be times of frustration and even anger when you feel they aren’t pushing themselves or thinking positive.
It turns out my husband was just trying to support me the best way he knew how. He never let me give up, and believe me, there were many days I would want to do nothing and shut myself off from the outside world. But he was there just checking in and giving me that push I needed to keep going.
Did I always appreciate his support? Not at the time. One morning my alarm went off early because it was my day to go swimming at the YMCA. I didn’t want to go. He rolled over next to me in bed and kept reminding me to get up. I really just wanted to push him out of bed at that moment but I got up and went swimming. And what happened after I went swimming? I had more energy and strength than I did the day before. I was making progress.
If you are the one who needs some support, here are some suggestions for you.
- Take the other person to your doctor appointments or share the information with them. Let them hear exactly what you are hearing.
- You will have moments when they make you angry or sad because you think they don’t understand. Their presence in your life means they want to be there and are trying. Give them a chance to be part of it.
- Realize that your life might never be the same as it was before. You are currently sick, you need to heal and then focus on your “new normal”.
- You are allowed to say no if you need to rest, however, your support system will keep asking because they want you around and want to see you get better.
- Be honest with yourself and your support system. Your support system won’t stick around for long if you aren’t truthful. And it won’t benefit you either.
- Take responsibility for your actions. For many months, I never thought I could control or was even partially responsible for my disease. While genetics can play a role, so can diet and lifestyle. Do your part to improve what you can.
- Ask for help. Your support system is there to help and lean on them when you need to.
- Find the positive in your life. It may seem impossible but it is there.
Are you the one offering support? Here are some suggestions for you.
- Listen. Someone’s life has just been hit hard. Not only are they dealing with symptoms, they are dealing with several emotions as well.
- Don’t give up. Continue to offer support even if they say no or seem distracted. They are dealing with a lot and feel isolated and alone at many times.
- Guide them but don’t tell them how to get better. If they are not ready to find wellness, they won’t be listening.
- Stay positive and promote positive thinking.
- Celebrate small successes.
- Remember their life and your relationship with them may not be the way it was before. It actually could be better in the long run. Stick with them.
I look at my husband every day and thank him for being the push behind my wellness and healing journey. He didn’t understand what I was feeling most days but he would always say “what are you going to do today to make the situation better”?
When I would sit on the couch and complain….I would hear him in my head. Sometimes it made me angry but over time it was just what I needed to take control of my life again. A transition began ….. I noticed that I was no longer blaming everyone and everything around but I was taking ownership of my life and body. Once I was able to do that, my journey improved and healing was in my future. I had control again.
Make sure you accept support in your life. And if you are supporting someone, make sure to take the time to understand their situation.
Do you have someone who has been your rock and support through your journey? Please share.
